Mulder's Grandbaby
by sparozina
Summary: William was never put up for adoption. He never had any magical powers. He's just a regular teenager from a very messy, but loving family. And he is not ready to become a father… (Although this is a sequel to my story Mulder's baby, it's not necessary to read that one first)
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters. No copyright infringement intended.

(Stacey)

It hurts, but not as much as I feared. I relax a little and he thrusts again. It seems to be working, we are really having sex! I can't believe it's happening, I can't believe I am not a virgin anymore.

I look at his face and his eyes are tightly shut. His expression is so serious, like he is doing a hard work and I want to laugh but he thrusts harder so I cry out instead, bumping my head in an effort to get away.

"Sorry," we both say at the same time.

"Do you want to stop?" William offers, finally looking at me, back from whatever place he was just a second ago.

"No," I whisper, placing a pillow behind my head. "I like it," I say and I mean it.

"Me too," he agrees, closing his eyes again. He keeps up, trying to be more careful and I try to be still. It's not perfect, but first time is not supposed to be perfect. It's still better than I've ever imagined it would be.

"I love you," I murmur, hoping he didn't hear it. I can't help telling him that, even though I know he doesn't like hearing it. He never said it to me, but I don't mind, I love him anyway. He doesn't believe in love ever since his parents separated, and I want to give that faith back to him, if he ever lets me.

He doesn't respond, but he takes me harder, as a punishment. Just a little bit harder, not much, he's gentle and kind even when he's angry, which happens often, unfortunately. It still hurts, but I'm praying for it never to be over. I belong to him, even if he doesn't belong to me. And if I can't keep him, at least I can always be his first…

"Stay!" he cries out, but maybe what he meant to say was my name. I wrap my arms and legs around him, holding him close, not realizing that he wouldn't be able to pull out even if he remembered that he should.

At that moment, I don't care. As he lies dead weight on top of me, bathing me in his sweat, I remember reading somewhere that you can't stay pregnant the first time you do it.

So I just hold him, and I take it all.


	2. Chapter 2

(Skinner)

"What's up, partner?" I asked, turning to William. I was still getting used to him living with me, and whenever he walked through my door I had to remind myself that it's now his home too.

"I had sex," he said, with irritation in his voice. The boy has a weird sense of humor.

"Ha!" I grinned, amused. "You have time for that, William. There's no need to rush, I'm telling you, sex is overrated."

"I know," he said, his expression too serious for someone who is supposed to be only joking. "I just tried. I liked it, but… Not all _that_ much."

It left me speechless for a second. I realized he wasn't joking. He looked me straight in the eyes and told me about losing his virginity as casually as if we were discussing a weather. What the hell should I answer to that? Why can't he be a normal teenager and hide that kind of information from his parents?

Then again, I am not his parent. Thank god for that!

"With who?" I asked, not being able to hide my confusion. I'm an assistant director in the FBI, for crying out loud, but the mere presence of this kid melts away all my authority and turns me into a babbling idiot.

"Stacey," he shrugged.

"Stacey? I thought you were just friends."

"Yeah. She wanted more. She says she loves me."

"What about you? Do you love her?"

"I don't believe in love," William reminded me. He sat on the couch next to me, took the remote and started to browse through TV channels, as if nothing has changed, as if he was still an innocent kid who doesn't drink, smoke nor engages in… intimate activities.

"When you say you had sex," I carefully fished for information, hoping against hope that he doesn't know what he's talking about. "What exactly do you mean?"

"I'm not an idiot, Skinner!" he snapped. "I know what sex is. And I know what I did."

"I'm sure you do," I nodded, suddenly afraid that he might go into details. With William, I wouldn't be surprised. "But being ready for it physically is not the same as being ready emotionally," I tried some adult crap.

"How did you know when you were ready? Emotionally?" he asked me. Oh boy!

"I'm still not sure I am," I chuckled.

"And how was your first time?" he asked with genuine interest. What the hell does he have a father for? Shouldn't this be Mulder's job?

"I was in army and she was a prostitute," I sighed. I didn't want to lie to the kid. Little Scully is just like his parents, when you lose his trust once, you'll have to go to hell and back to gain it again. "Yes, I paid for my first time. And for many more…"

"I wouldn't pay for it," he said with despise. Clearly he wasn't impressed with the deed.

"It's better when it's with the woman you love," I tried to assure him.

"Does it ever work?" he sighed.

"What?"

"Love."

"Not that I know of," I admitted after considering it for a few moments. "But William, you can't give up hope."

"Why not?" he challenged me.

"Because," I stood up and went to get us drinks. I never drink with him, but this moment needed it. He was already arrested for drinking, plus he was addicted to cigarettes, he lost a sister and a grandmother, and his parents fell apart when he needed them most… Now he even slept with a girl. If all that wasn't enough to turn him into a man, I don't know what would.

"I don't know, William," I sighed, giving him his drink. He took the glass from me and emptied it in a second. Damn! I am no match for him, and I don't mean it as a compliment. "Love makes it all worth it, in the end. Even if it doesn't last…"

"You are not making any sense," he cut me off. Thank you, William, I was aware of that.

I finished my drink in silence, thinking about whether I should mention this subject to his parents or not. Knowing William, he wouldn't hide it from them, but his relationship with Mulder and Scully wasn't in a best place and he might not bother to discuss it with them. He is a minor after all, so it should be their business, but what do I do? Invite them into my office to talk about their kid in between the cases? But if I don't and they find out anyway… Oh, to hell with them! They blame me enough for taking their kid away from them, as if this whole living arrangement was my idea! It's not my fault that they weren't able to take care of themselves, let alone him.

Some people should never be allowed to reproduce. Of course, Mulder and Scully never follow the rules. Tell that man that he can't have children, and he'll find a way to make a baby just to prove you wrong. Tell that woman that she can't adopt a dying girl and she'll get herself a husband and a house and find another terminally ill kid…

Whatever they can't do alone, these people will manage if you put them together. I can't help but admire that, despite all the headaches they cause me.

Too bad they are not together anymore…

I sighed, turning my attention back to William.

"Penny for your thoughts," I said, even though I really didn't want to know.

"I don't know what to do," he sighed miserably. "Do I have to date Stacey now?"

"Do you want to?"

"I don't know. It's… complicated."

"What is complicated?"

"I guess we would look good together," he tried to explain. "You know, like… Mark and mom."

"But you want it to be like your mom and your dad," I nodded, beginning to understand, or at least thinking that I do.

"No," he corrected me. "That's the last thing I want!"

"Your parents are good people," I reminded him. "They just had a lot more of bad luck than anybody could handle. They'll find their way back to each other, but it's going to take time. You and Stacey probably need more time as well."

"What do you mean?"

"Take it slow," I advised him. "Ask Stacey on a date. Take her to the movies or for a walk, see how you like spending time together. Get to know her better. There's no need to rush anything."

"So we should not have sex again?"

Straight to the point! He made me laugh.

"There will be time for that," I assured him. "Trust me, you have a whole life ahead of you for adult stuff. Try to enjoy being a kid while you still can."

"Molly didn't have time," he noticed. I don't know whether it's poignant or sad that he keeps the memory of his sister alive at all times.

"I know you miss her," I acknowledged, not knowing what else to say. "We all do."

"It's the best thing in the world," he said passionately. "Having a sister, not sex! I don't care about sex, I want to have a sister again!"

And that is something he never lets any of us forget. Sister issues. It runs in the family. I once got shot trying to find the killer of his mother's sister. I supervised the search for his father's sister for years. And yet I never got to know either one of them.

I knew Molly, though. Molly was the heart and soul of Scully family, she brought them together in a way they never managed before her, and after her they all hopelessly drifted apart.

"Molly was very sick, William," I reminded him. "We all did what we could for her, but her disease wasn't curable. She's at peace now."

"I'm not," he remarked.

"Her birthday is coming up, isn't it?" I remembered.

"So what?" William wasn't impressed by my observation skills. "She is not going to celebrate, is she?"

"No, but we could celebrate for her," I offered. "Maybe get her a cake or a present? What do you think she'd like?"

"I don't know," he shrugged, but I could see he was intrigued. I watched his expression change from boredom and hopelessness to joy and enthusiasm.

"Fish!" he exclaimed happily. "Can we get her another fish?"

"Sure," I agreed. What's one more fish, when I already have Molly's entire aquarium in my living room? "We could go right away, if you don't have other plans."

"Yes, let's go! I'll just go change, really quick! Thank you Skinner, I love you!" he briefly hugged me before jumping from the couch and running to the guest, I mean his, room.

That from a boy who claims that he doesn't believe in love!

I smiled as I waited for him to get ready. I was relieved that the awkward conversation was over, and I seemed to have done good with it. Then it hit me that I forgot to mention protection, and my smile faded away. He must have been smart enough to use protection, hasn't he? In any case, what's done it's done and there's no going back. I wasn't about to bring back the freshly closed subject, but I would make myself remember it if he decided to explore it further. It was the first time for both of them, so there shouldn't be any health risks, aside from, in the worst case scenario, pregnancy.

Thank god I don't have a daughter! A son is already more than I know how to handle.


	3. Chapter 3

(Mulder)

I heard Scully's car park in front of the house. Already? I checked my phone to see how early she was, but she was actually late. Where did all the time go? I'd been lying on the couch, dozing on and off, ever since I came home from work. I wasn't rested. I wasn't in a mood for more work. But I sure as hell wasn't going to tell Scully that! She needed work as much as she needed to breathe. I envied her for that. I used to be just like her, but not anymore. These days I was just tired.

It took me great effort to get up, but I did it. Eventually. I went to the kitchen to start coffee and on the way there I remembered I should probably take some pills, but I didn't know which. I was prescribed different kinds of them.

Depression. It's what my therapist says. Scully agrees. She always nags me about taking medication so I figured I'd better swallow some before she came inside. It was taking her long today, despite the heavy rain. She might need towels. I'd better go check if I have any clean ones. Or should I take the pills first?

God, when did life become so tiring and pointless? Even the simplest decisions drained all the energy out of me and left me with a feeling that whatever choice I made it would be the wrong one. Why then do I keep trying?

She might want to stay over, I realized. We didn't have an active case at the moment, so we decided to get some paperwork done and that's always a never ending job. It will definitely be late by the time we decide to call it a night.

It happens more often than not. She doesn't stop busying herself until she literary passes out of exhaustion, sometimes on my couch, sometimes on hers, wherever we happen to be working that day. I cover her with a blanket and take a bed. I don't sleep as much as she does, but then again, I don't work that much either.

It's been even worse ever since her mother died. For all of us. Without the head of the family, we all grew apart a little further…

I couldn't figure out which pill to take, so I went with the white one. They don't make a difference anyway, but everybody who still gives a shit about me wants to believe that they do. I swallow to humor them.

"Daddy, I'm afraid!" I heard a scream in my mind and I shook my head trying to quiet it. It's too late, my princess, I can't help you anymore. Not that I ever could. Why are you still not at peace?

I shook my head again and tried to focus on something else. I would lose my job if anybody knew I still talked to the dead, and without my job I would lose contact with my wife and my reason to get up in the morning.

My wife… What is taking her so long?

Sighing, I dragged myself to the front door, opened them and just stood there for a moment, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness of the evening. It didn't occur to me to turn on the outside light, the pills are making my brain slow and inefficient.

"Scully!" I called, but she didn't move. She was standing next to her car's open door and staring in my direction. Just standing in the rain… For a second I entertained the idea that she wasn't even here, that it was just her ghost coming to say goodbye after an unexpected death. It gave me chills. I quickly went to her, wanting to make sure she's real, but as I approached her I didn't dare to touch her.

"Scully, what are you doing?" I asked her. "Why aren't you coming in?"

She focused her eyes on me and slightly shook her head. "I was… thinking."

"You can think in the house," I tried to reason with her. Me, the family crackpot! "It's cold and it's raining," I stated the obvious. "You're shaking."

"How did we end up here, Mulder?" she asked me, not moving an inch.

"Where?" I had no idea what she was talking about, and I was starting to shake as well. It really was cold.

"We lost everything, Mulder," she clarified, in a tone of voice that would probably break my heart if I still had one. "Our daughter… Our son… Each other…"

"No, Scully!" I yelled, partly to outvoice the rain, and partly to stop her from listing our losses while I still had the strength to do it. If I let her go on, the list would never end.

"You didn't lose me," I stated with more certainty than I felt. "I am standing right here, in front of you! We didn't lose William either, he is with Skinner. As for Molly, she is with your mother. And here," I grabbed her hand and placed it on the empty spot where my heart used to be. "All of you are here. You and our son and our daughters."

Daughters. I haven't meant to say that, but she didn't miss my use of plural. I kind of adopted Emily without telling her. Any child of my wife I consider as my own, no matter how it came to be. It wouldn't even matter if it was Mark's, or Skinner's…

I was grieving for Emily, because I wasn't ready to grieve for Molly. My therapist agreed and Emily was the only girl we discussed lately. It was safe to talk about her. It happened a long time ago so it didn't feel like an open wound.

Scully didn't comment, but she came closer and rested her cheek on my chest, as if she wanted to hear all those people I claimed to be present there. "I'm sorry," she said, but I didn't know to whom. It might have even been meant for me. She started to shake stronger, in the rhythm of crying and I wrapped my arms around her to keep her from falling apart, or maybe to keep myself from the same fate. I knew I should get us inside before we both catch pneumonia, but I didn't have strength for it. I wasn't strong enough to help my wife, all I could do was to go down with her. And I would, no questions asked. There wasn't anybody else I would rather go through hell with. There never will be.

I noticed the stack of files through her car door. They were neatly sitting on the passenger's seat, patiently waiting for us to take them inside and spend the night working on them. However, I sensed we won't be using their services after all. My arms being full of Scully, I reached with my leg to push the door closed. Doing that, I lost my balance and fell forward, crushing Scully to her car.

"Sorry," I apologized, trying to move away from her, but she wouldn't let me. She grabbed me with a desperation of a drowning woman and my body responded with the same force.

"No," she demanded. "Do it!"

"Let's just go inside," I offered. "I might even have a sleeping bag somewhere…"

"No," she refused. "Here!"

Her fingers were already pulling my pants down and my body listened to her instead of me. Of course it would, it belonged to her. I did what she asked of me, if for no other reason but to be done with this madness and be allowed to finally get us inside.

It wasn't the real reason, of course. I needed it just as much as she did.

I was rough with her, to allow her to cry her heart out. She wasn't really crying, of course. It was just the rain. The shivering was caused by coldness, nothing more. The sounds we made were just passion cries… Of course. The pain that I felt came from her nails and her teeth, nothing more.

It wasn't love making. You need souls for that and ours were lost. We were merely using each other for release that wasn't coming. A one night stand with our spouse, because neither of us was willing to allow themselves anything more than that.

Yet, it was a start. A start of the healing that we finally had to give up trying to achieve alone.

She came to me through the cold rain and I came in her to give her my warmth.

Just like our first time.

Except that this time I knew her body much better and I knew how to give her pleasure, even while I basically used her back to clean a car window with. My hands on the roof of the car. Her legs wrapped around my hips. A good a thorough window scrub.

I haven't done that much cleaning in months! I haven't done that much of _anything_ in months…

I don't remember how we got inside. I don't remember how we got into bed together. I just remember holding her as I fell asleep. Not like a lover, it was more like a friend, a sister, a daughter, a mother, a mother in law…

Okay, like a lover too.

The only woman left in my life.


	4. Chapter 4

(Scully)

I woke up in my husband's embrace, unable to remember the last time when that happened. My first reaction was a deep sense of peace, of belonging.

The next one was shame.

I tried to get out of his grasp, but he only held me tighter, whispering in his sleep. Even though this felt right, it was also wrong on many levels and I wanted out. I wanted to get up, get dressed, go home to take a long shower and pretend this never happened. After a little bit of wiggling, though, I realized there was no way out without waking him, and I didn't want that. He always had trouble sleeping, so I couldn't take that away from him, no matter how dirty I felt.

Once upon a time, we were just partners, friends. We were searching for the truth, but it didn't come without a price, one of which was him being taken from me, forced to endure a brain surgery, and made barren in the process. For some reason, the bastards who took him kept a sample of his sperm and I managed to find it. I gave it back to Mulder, because ever since he found out he can't have children it was the only thing he wanted.

He never knew how to appreciate something before it was lost to him, but then he would be willing to go to hell and back to get it back. He wanted me to be the mother of his child, and in the end it happened exactly like that. Too bad he died in the meantime and came back as insensitive bastard for a little while, but for long enough to drive as apart.

I hadn't seen in him in a year. Never before, and never after, were we separated for that long. I hadn't seen my son before he was one year old and I went to look for him, finding not only my child, but my partner as he used to be before his abduction and everything that followed.

I found love, but it didn't work out. I tried to make it work with someone else, which didn't work either.

I married Mulder to be able to adopt Molly, a sweet and very sick little girl. She reminded me of Emily and I couldn't let her die alone. Yet, when she did die, suddenly and painfully, I wasn't there.

My therapist says I shouldn't blame myself, but I have no one else to blame. No one else but Mulder, that is, and a part of me still blames him. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves much more than I have to give, but he is too stubborn to realize that.

I turned to him, watching him as he slept. It's been a while since I really looked at him like that and I was surprised to see how worn and tired he looked. When did he get so old? When did _we_ get so old?

He still smelled the same though. He smelled like home. My home.

I dozed off again, listening to his uneven breath.

He woke me with a kiss.

"Scully," he said with a difficulty, as if words were heavy in his mouth. "Work."

"What time is it?" I asked, searching for the clock with my half-open eyes. "I'm going to be late!"

"We have enough time," Mulder tried to assure me, but it wasn't working.

"I have to go home first," I explained.

"Why?"

"I have a dog, Mulder," I reminded him. "Remember?"

"Yeah, I remember," he said with an accusing tone of voice. "A warm, furry thing to come home to. Instead of, you know, your husband."

"My husband doesn't want to come to my home," I reminded him with just as much bitterness. I tried to get up but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"I would go with you," he said seriously. "But I can't leave my cat."

"Your cat?" I raised my eyebrow, then rolled my eyes. "You don't have a cat."

"I do and I can prove it to you, Scully," he said, still deadly serious. Releasing my arm, he turned around, exposing his back to me. It was scratched all over and I winced at the sight.

"Oh god, Mulder, did I do that?" I was terrified and ashamed. What has gotten into me last night?

"I told you, Scully, it was a cat," Mulder chuckled. "A sharp little monster."

"Stay still," I ordered, examining him. I traced my fingers over the scratches, remembering how they got there. They were all superficial, he'd live. Satisfied with my diagnosis, I placed my lips on the wound on his shoulder, the biggest one, and kissed the traces of my teeth.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled between kisses. "I really have to go. Dagoo needs food and morning walk."

"Take him with you next time," Mulder suggested, watching me getting dressed. "He will enjoy running around yard and forest."

"Yeah?" I smiled. "You are not worried about him attacking your cat?"

"Not at all," he grinned, finally getting up and searching for his clothes. "She can fend for herself just fine."

"See you at work," I said to Mulder, but before getting out I stopped in front of Molly's picture in the hallway. She looked so healthy and happy on that picture, and I realized she will always look the same in it. It was a moment saved for eternity. I smiled back at her, feeling her presence as I always do in this house, only this time it didn't hurt… as much.

Either the road was clear, or I managed to fly over it, because the ride home passed in no time. Maybe it only seemed that way because of bittersweet feeling between my legs, where Dagoo buried his head as soon as I kneeled down to greet him.

"Are you jealous?" I chuckled, pushing him away. "Yes, I've been with another dog. I'd better wash off the evidence, before Skinner smells it. I'll be in enough trouble for being late for a meeting, he doesn't have to know _why_."

I took a thorough shower, got dressed in clean clothes, but Skinner still figured it out, damn him! Nothing gets past that man!

He asked Mulder and me to stay after the meeting, and when other agents left the room he informed us that we are invited for dinner at his place.

"Tomorrow at six," he specified. "Don't bring alcohol and don't be late."

I lowered my eyes in shame at the mention of alcohol. That remark was meant for me.

"What's the occasion, sir?" Mulder asked him.

"William and I want to introduce you to Molly's fish," Skinner smiled and winked mysteriously.

"We've met Molly's fish," Mulder was not amused. "I bought them."

"Not this one, you didn't." Skinner sounded uncharacteristically excited over the fish. "William and I bought a new one yesterday."

"Why?" Mulder sounded annoyed, as if buying fish is nobody's business but his. The situation was starting to amuse me.

"For Molly's birthday," Skinner shrugged, to which Mulder snapped that it's not her birthday yet.

I grabbed his arm to prevent him from jumping on Skinner and moved to stand between them. I wasn't going to let them fight over a stupid fish, not after it took me forever to convince Mulder that I never slept with Skinner, no matter how it looked like to him. Skinner was our boss, more than that, our friend, and I wouldn't let Mulder ruin any of it.

"Thank you, sir," I politely accepted. "We will be there."

"Just don't bring your dog, Scully," Mulder chuckled, leaning on the table. "He has a cat too."

I gave him an angry look and he lowered his eyes in a pretense of shame, while still keeping the grin on his face. I must have blushed because Skinner became suspicious. When I forced myself to look at him again, he was also grinning, looking at us with a knowing attitude.

"I hope you two are using protection," he said jokingly and I wanted to disappear into the ground. It wasn't appropriate talk for an FBI office, or anywhere else, not with our boss.

"I don't need protection, sir," Mulder chuckled as well, seemingly not embarrassed, at least not in the same amount as I was.

"With you too, miracles are always possible," Skinner teased further, not knowing when to stop. "And I am not ready for another kid."

"Is it that obvious?" I heard Mulder asking, but I didn't dare to look at him either.

"Not at first," Skinner explained, stepping closer to me and fixing my shirt over the hickey that wasn't entirely concealable, even though I tried my best to hide it. "You have to read between the lines. Then again, it seems these days everybody's getting it. That is, everybody but me."

"What do you mean everybody?" Mulder seemed to enjoy the conversation. Bastard!

"Trust me, you don't want to know," Skinner said cryptically and I could feel rather than see or hear Mulder's smile. This was clearly a man talk and I desperately wanted out of it, but Skinner's body was blocking the door and I didn't dare to move.

"Will you please look at me, Scully?" Skinner demanded and I had no other option but to obey. "This is all off the record, for god's sake! I won't reprimand you for sleeping with your husband. I'm happy for you, for both of you! You know that, Dana."

"Yeah, I know," I whispered, unable to hold back tears. My eyes tend to turn on waterworks whenever someone is being truly nice to me. It's completely unreasonable and humiliating, but I can't control it. On the other hand, it wasn't nearly as embarrassing as what I said next.

"I love you, sir."

I haven't meant to say that, it didn't even cross my mind before it left my lips on its own will. I stared at Skinner in horror, bringing my hand to my mouth to stop from coming whatever might want to come next. I couldn't take it back, but maybe I wouldn't even if I could. As inappropriate and sudden as it was, it was the truth and I wasn't ashamed of it.

The tears begun to fall as I waited for his reaction, holding my breath. I bravely kept holding his gaze. Skinner sighed tiredly, all the tease gone from his face. It wasn't the right time to notice, but he seemed to be aging much better than Mulder or me.

He nodded briefly before saying in all the seriousness in the world: "I love you too, agent."

He then smiled gently, gave me an awkward kiss in the cheek and left the office. It all happened in a second, before I had a chance to react.

The sound of the door closing brought me back to reality and I realized with a horror that Mulder witnessed this moment between Skinner and me. How will I ever convince him that my relationship with our boss is purely platonic after this? He will never believe me again. How could he?

I turned to my husband, shaking my head fiercely. "This isn't what it looks like!"

Mulder just smiled and approached me, taking me into a warm embrace.

"It doesn't look like that, Scully," he said into my hair. "I know what this was. And I love him too. For… For being there for you when I couldn't."

"I didn't sleep with him Mulder," I cried into his shirt, wrapping my arms around him to stop him from leaving me, as I feared he would after hearing what I had to say. "But I would have if he'd wanted me, so it counts just the same. I didn't cheat on you, but only because they turned me down. Both Skinner and… …and Mark. I was so… broken… and… I didn't care. I'm sorry."

He didn't push me away, as I expected him to. He held me tighter instead, as if he, too, was afraid of losing me. "It doesn't matter," he whispered. I could feel him starting to cry too, and I hated myself for doing this to him.

"It does matter," I insisted. "I feel like a slut and you didn't deserve it."

"It really doesn't matter, Scully," he repeated. "Even if it did happen. I would forgive you. I would understand. I do… understand. I'm not exactly… the easiest man to be with. To… love."

"That's true," I chuckled, my grief mixing with relief. "But you are not nearly as difficult as I am. I feel like I tricked you… Like… I trapped you… With Molly."

"You didn't," he assured me. "I was… waiting for you. I would… forever… wait for you."

I raised my head and took a distance from him, only as wide as it was required to be able to look into his eyes. He met my gaze with a tiny smile and a sob.

"We fought so much over Skinner," I reminded him. "What made you suddenly so forgiving?"

"I now have you back, and nothing else matters," he said seriously, but then a smile returned to his face and he started teasing me again. "Plus I just got laid after a long time, and that tends to put me into a good mood, you know. It works much better than those damn antidepressants."

"Then I'll make sure to prescribe you more of it." I wasn't teasing. It was a promise.

Our lips found each other, and this time it wasn't a desperate lust like the night before, it was forgiveness and connection. I found my soul again in the man that I love, and I know he found his in me, as I've been carrying his soul with me all along, worshipping it and protecting it with all I had, only to be able to give it back to him when I find him again. In Skinner's office, in Mulder's arms, everything seemed so simple once again.


	5. Stacey

"Skinner says we should take it slow," William informed me.

Skinner! I already hated that man, even though I've never met him. Who is he to tell me what to do or feel? He isn't my father, nor William's for that matter. William adores him and talks about him as if he was a god or something!

"You told him?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Yes," he shrugged nonchalantly, as if it was perfectly appropriate to discuss our private life with an old man, who, again as if it was perfectly appropriate, he lived with. "Was that supposed to be a secret?"

My god, how did I allow myself to fall for such a hopeless crackpot!

"Yes, William," I tried to keep my voice calm, as if I was talking to a child who just isn't capable of comprehending the consequences of his actions. "We are fifteen and no sane adult would agree we should even think about… it, let alone doing it!"

"Skinner is not like that!" William insisted.

"Are you saying Skinner isn't a sane adult?" I challenged him.

"No, but…" William started to whine, but I didn't let him continue.

"Then are you saying he didn't tell you to stop making love to me?" I hissed through my teeth, trying not to attract anybody's attention. We were in a public place after all. Just two well behaving teenagers, platonically eating cake, drinking milkshakes and trying to get to know each other better. I thought it was sweet he invited me on a date, until I found out it was Skinner's idea.

"It wasn't _love_ making!" William hissed back. "That's the whole _point_!"

"It was for _me_!" I reminded him, knowing very well that it wasn't entirely true. I loved him, there was no doubt about that, but I did have a little hidden motive. My best friend Tati told me it's the easiest way to get a boy to love you back. It worked for her, but it doesn't seem to be working for me.

"You don't get to tell me how to feel!" William warned me seriously. Of course I don't. Only Skinner gets to tell him that! But I didn't want to start another Skinner-induced fight.

"You don't get to tell me either," I sighed, staring at him. I wasn't going to be ashamed of my feelings just because they weren't returned. William didn't know what he wanted. He decided that he didn't believe in love, without even giving his feelings a chance. He thought instead of felt, and love, or even absence of love, doesn't work that way.

We just sat like that for a while, staring at each other in silence.

"So do you want to get to know me better or what?" he broke the silence first. He always does. I could stare at his beautiful blue eyes forever, without the need to speak, or eat, or breathe, or live…

"I want to give you something," I smiled, taking out a notebook I bought for him. "It's a diary."

"I don't want to read your diary," he looked confused. "I'd rather… talk."

"It's not mine," I chuckled. "It's for you."

"I don't want to write a diary either," he shook his head, pushing the notebook back towards me. "Why can't we just talk? I'll tell you all you want to know."

"It's not for me," I tried to explain. "You and I can talk, but… You can't talk to… Well, you know… This is how I talk to my brother."

"You have a brother?" he was surprised.

"Well, no, not exactly," I smiled awkwardly. I didn't know how to talk about James, I never talked about him with anybody, not even my parents. "I _had_ a brother, or, more precisely, I was supposed to have a brother, but… It was years before I was born and he… He was a miscarriage… So… I don't know if it counts, but, well, it does to me. I write to him in my diary, you know, about my day or whatever. I feel like he can read it and… It keeps us close. I believe he's watching over me, William, and maybe he also talks to me in his own way that I can't hear or understand, but I can feel it. Anyway, it helps me when I feel alone. I thought it might work for you, too."

"You think I should write to Molly…" he said slowly and painfully, looking at the journal instead of me. I hated to see him that sad and I would do anything to help him.

"Or your grandma," I suggested. "Whoever you miss."

"It won't bring them back!" he said bitterly.

"I know," I agreed. I didn't know what else to say. We sat in silence again, the new, unopened journal resting on the table between us.

"Everything changed," William finally started to talk again. "It's not just Molly and grandma, any day it could be my parents or Skinner. They have dangerous jobs and sometimes I don't hear from some, or all of them for days… I can't visit them or sometimes even call them, I don't know if they are hurt or even alive… Grandma was the only one who was always there. I could go to her, we baked cookies and watched movies, she told me family stories… It made the waiting easier. At least she was safe, or so I thought. Then one day, I found her on her kitchen floor..."

"She was dead?" I asked in horror. I knew she died, but I didn't know the details. I didn't know William was the one who found her. I never met my grandparents, so I couldn't possibly understand how he must have felt. My father's parents died in a car accident long before I was born, and my mother's mother died of cancer when I was a baby. Mom never knew her father, so he could technically still be alive, but that doesn't make a difference.

"No," William continued his story. "She was just unconscious. I called the ambulance and they took her to hospital. When she regained consciousness she acted as if she didn't even know me. She kept asking for Charlie."

"Who is Charlie?" I wondered. He never mentioned that name before.

"My uncle," William explained. "But I've never met him."

"Like my grandfather," I nodded. "Except that I don't even know his name."

"My parents were on a case," William ignored my comment. "I called my mom, but it took a long time for her to come. By then grandma was unconscious again and I thought she'd never wake up again. I was so scared. Then dad came and we just waited."

"But she didn't wake up?" I guessed. I knew in advance this story didn't have a happy ending.

"She did," William corrected me. "But not before Charlie called."

"He called?" I was surprised.

"Yeah," William nodded. "But it was too late. She died a few minutes after that."

"I'm sorry," I sighed.

"Her last words…" William was trying hard not to cry. "Her last words were meant for me…"

"What did she say?" I wondered.

"She took my hand and… She said… She said… My son is named William too."

"William?" I was confused. "But you just said his name is Charlie."

"She was talking about my other uncle, Bill," he clarified. "But she never called me William. She always called me by my first name, which I don't like. It was the first time… And the last…"

He sniffed and wiped a tear from his cheek, then he thanked me for the diary and put it in his bag. I noticed that people were starting to pay attention to us and it made me uncomfortable.

"Do you want to get out of here?" I suggested and William nodded. We left holding hands, and I was happy that he allowed me to do that.

"I want to talk to Molly," he declared after a while. "I have so much to tell her. So much has happened since she died."

"Ok," I agreed, squeezing his hand a bit harder. I wanted to talk to my brother, too. I wanted to tell him about this date, about loving a boy who doesn't want to be loved. It's the only thing I've been telling him about for a while now, but I still feel the need to repeat myself over and over again. Good thing about the dead is that they never get bored of listening.

"My parents won't be home tomorrow afternoon," I informed him. "Do you want to come?"

"I, um, can't," he declined. "My parents are coming for dinner."

"Uh, okay," I sighed, unable to hide my disappointment. I pulled my hand from his, bracing myself from what I feared was coming. This date wasn't working. Our relationship wasn't working. Getting to know each other didn't work. Making love didn't work. I was running out of options.

"No, really!" William was a bit too eager to explain. "They are really coming. I have to be there."

"I know," I said softly. "I believe you. But if you were free… Would you have come?"

"I…" he started, but couldn't come up with an answer.

"Forget it," I shook my head, feeling resigned.

"Stacey," he stopped walking and turned to me. "What if… What if I said I wanted to be friends with you?"

"You mean, break up with me?" I stared at him, trying hard not to cry, but my body started to shake.

"I mean," William said gently. "I like you and I want to have a friend like you. I _need_ a friend like you. I've never been in a relationship and I don't know how to be a boyfriend. I'm not ready for that. My life is a mess and I keep disappointing everybody… I need to pull my shit together. Stacey, please, try to understand."

"I do understand," I said bitterly. "You are breaking up with me. You made that perfectly clear."

"I am asking you to be my friend," he insisted. "My best friend! It lasts so much longer than a relationship. It can last forever."

"I already have a best friend," I shook my head, declining.

"But I don't," he pleaded. "It used to be Molly, but now…"

"Now you want me to be your sister figure?" I asked accusingly. "Is that it?"

"No," he said seriously. "I would never have sex with my sister."

"And I would never make love with my best friend!" now I was acting like a child, but I couldn't stop it. I was too hurt to control myself.

"My parents were best friends long before they fell in love with each other," he said seriously. I guess he was giving me hope. He was giving us a chance, but sometime in the future, not now. He wasn't ready now and it wasn't my fault. I understood that, but it didn't help me to feel better. I needed him _now_ , not in the future. It was terribly selfish, but I couldn't help myself. He wasn't capable of feeling more for me now, but I wasn't capable of feeling less. If I was going to end up hurt by this, so should he!

"Your parents," I dared him. "Do you love them?"

"Of course I do."

"And that pervert you live with? You love him too, don't you?"

"Skinner is not a pervert!"

"It doesn't matter! You love him, I know you do! You are perfectly capable of loving, as long as it's not me!" I was crying now, but I didn't care. My world was falling apart and it didn't matter who saw it. Nothing mattered anymore.

"Damn it, Stacey!" he yelled, apparently not caring either about the passersby. "I don't want to lose you! This date, the sex, everything… You said I would feel differently but I don't! I went with it because I couldn't stand to lose you, and I still… I'm sick and tired of losing people! I can't be what you want me to be, but I'm trying because I just don't want to lose you!"

"Well, you can stop trying then," I said icily, wiping my tears. I was sick and tired as well. Sick and tired of being there for him and understanding his feelings, when he never even acknowledged mine. Sick and tired of being nothing but a pain in the ass to the only boy I ever loved. "You just lost me! It's over!"

He tried to grab me, he tried to reason with me, he tried even begging, but it was all in vain. I took a little pride I had left and walked away from him, without looking back, trying to assure myself it was the right thing to do, while my heart was breaking into million little pieces.


	6. Skinner

Inviting all members of Scully family for a dinner at my place wasn't one of my brightest ideas, but at least I never tried to pursue a career of a family counselor. Catching bad guys is nothing compared to dealing with hurt and damaged people and raising their son in the meantime.

Mulder kept staring at Molly's new fish. He claimed it didn't fit well with the old ones. It was of a wrong specie, color or size, I didn't really get it. His explanations sounded cryptic and passive-aggressively bitter. Apparently, only he was allowed to buy fish for Molly and my little gesture somehow undermined him as a father.

The new fish seemed just fine. As did the rest of them.

The world kept turning without Molly, and Mulder wasn't the least bit pleased about it. In his mind I already stole his son from him, and now I was stealing his daughter. Don't even get me started on what he convinced himself I did with his wife!

Whenever life doesn't go as planned, blame it on the one friend you didn't manage to scare away. That seems to be his policy these days, both at work and in personal life. Sometimes I wonder, what's stopping me from finally falling apart, like the rest of them? I suppose the answer is them again, the people who drive me crazy are the same ones who keep me sane.

I tried to remind myself that I'm doing this for William. All for William, my difficult, but brilliant godson. I repeated his name as a mantra, trying to keep calm during a growing, Mulder induced, headache. I needed a drink, but with Scully around it just wasn't going to happen.

I bought a damn fish. If it was up to Mulder, I would burn in hell for it.

Scully didn't care about the fish, but she didn't seem to care about anything else either. She looked like she needed a drink more than I did. I would gladly give it to her, if her thirst wasn't proven to be bottomless.

William didn't even pay attention to his parents. He finished eating quickly, then stayed at the table out of curtesy, but he kept writing in his new journal, ignoring the presence of the adults. His ex-girlfriend gave it to him, he told me, sounding proud to have an ex-girlfriend, though it came without a prior relationship, even for teenage standards.

I tried to maintain a conversation with Scully about the latest case she was working on with Mulder, but I couldn't tell which one of us was more bored with it.

Mulder kept staring at the fish until he found a box of fish food and all hell broke loose.

"This isn't their usual brand," he pointed, accusingly.

"This is what I buy," I sighed. "They are fine."

"They are not fine," he insisted. "They are overcrowded, being fed crap and living with a cat!"

"The fish are fine, Mulder," I repeated tiredly. "Mitch is old and he doesn't even notice them."

"A cat always notices," Mulder barked. "I had a cat so I know what I'm talking about."

"Your cat was found dead after a few months," I was getting annoyed. Enough is enough. "While I'm keeping mine alive for over fifteen years already. Rest assure, I will do the same for your damn fish."

"Molly's fish," he corrected me. "This aquarium is designed for ten, not eleven fish! If you want to buy your own, get your own damn aquarium as well!"

"No," William objected. "I want them to live together."

"Turning my son against me wasn't enough," Mulder continued attacking me, completely ignoring the said son. "Taking away my wife! Now the fish! What's going to be next, Skinner? My house? My car? My kidney?"

"Mulder, enough," Scully finally decided to try to stop him, but Mulder ignored her as well, all his rage directed at me. I was there when his family fell apart, and he needed someone to blame, I guess.

"I like it here," William informed him. "And so do fish."

"Do you think _he_ likes _you_ here?" Mulder finally acknowledged his son's presence and I immediately wished that he didn't. "Look at you, Ahab! Your grades are constantly declining, your behavior is problematic, you are a smoker and as far as I know you might be even using drugs! You are nothing but a burden to him!"

"My name is WILLIAM!" William yelled at him. Mulder could insult him as much as he wanted, but nothing hurt him quite as much as hearing his own first name. "And you are a burden, not me! That's why nobody wants to live with you!"

"I am your father and your name is what I say it is!" Mulder yelled back. "And you live where I say you live! So pack your things and we are going home!"

"I'm not going anywhere with you!" William screamed and stormed to his room. Mulder wanted to follow him, but Scully stopped him. She grabbed his arm and quietly asked him to calm down. She is still the only person who can do that, the only one he will listen to.

"Please Mulder," she said soothingly. "Don't do this. Don't make him hate us."

"He should live with me!" Mulder insisted. "This isn't right."

"Every child leaves his parents' nest eventually," I tried to reason with him. "William just did it a little earlier than expected."

I could have said that I liked having him with me, that he wasn't a burden, but trying to reach Mulder with reason was pointless in his best days, let alone now. I don't know if he even heard what I said, or if it was just the sound of my voice that made him furious, but the box with fish food ended up on the floor, its contents flying all over the place. Mitch jumped and sniffed at it, but decided it wasn't eatable and went back to his bed.

"I'm taking this out of your paycheck," I informed Mulder as calmly as I could manage, reminding him who's the boss.

"I miss him too," Scully was on the verge of tears. "But this isn't the way."

"We all miss her," I pointed to the real problem. "That's why we are here today. I bought a fish in her honor. This isn't a competition. I'm not trying to break up your family, I'm trying to be a part of it."

"Well, you're not!" Mulder wasn't letting go of his bitterness. "Just stay away!"

He kicked the empty box of fish food towards Mitch, who hissed at him and left the room. The loud music started to come from the direction of William's room. Loud, angry music. My headache was truly impressed.

"I can't bring her back," I sighed. "I can't bring back any of them. Your daughter, your sister, your mother… I can't even bring back your damn cat!"

"William. Him you could."

"I could kick him out, I suppose. You could force him to stay with you, but only for a couple more years. After that, you might never see him again. Is that what you want? It happens all the time and it can happen to anybody. I never even visited my father's grave."

"I am not your father," Mulder barked, a bit calmer this time.

"No, you aren't," I agreed. "Don't forget that."

He nodded angrily, wanting to say something more, but he didn't. Scully was sitting with her head in her hands and we both awkwardly turned towards her, giving up on each other for the moment.

"Come on, Scully, let's go," Mulder finally spoke. He then left without waiting for her and without saying goodbye. She didn't follow him, didn't raise her head, didn't move.

"Dana," I gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she sniffed, wiping her swollen eyes and carefully avoiding my gaze.

"I'm sorry about the fish," I apologized. "William liked the idea. I didn't know it would cause trouble."

"It didn't. It helped. Thank you for that."

"What do you mean?" I was confused. "You saw what just happened. Mulder is mad as hell."

"Exactly," Scully smiled. She stood up and finally looked me in the eyes with her swollen, but genuinely grateful and hopeful ones. "Do you remember when was the last time he had enough energy to get angry? I can't. Unreasonable rage might be problematic in a healthy person, but in case of clinical depression it's a first sign of recovery."

"Are you serious?" I asked and she nodded, her smile widening. As surprised as I was, I realized she was onto something. Ever since Molly died, Mulder lived like a zombie, distant and unreachable. Not even work could make him feel alive anymore. Looking from that perspective, him yelling and wasting all my fish food seemed like a miracle.

"I'm still taking it out of his paycheck," I smiled, relieved by my doctor's assurance. She reached into her purse and took out a small box of pills, handing it to me.

"I guess you're going to need this regardless."

"What are you, a psychic now?" I joked, taking the pills from her. I asked her for a prescription earlier, as if I sensed Mulder would cause trouble.

"I have to go," she sighed, getting serious. "I don't want to make him wait and reverse that anger towards myself."

"You shouldn't," I agreed, shaking the pills. "Not without these, at least."

"I should explain to William…" she hesitated, not sure which of her boys needed her more.

"Not now," I advised. "He needs to calm down too. I'll talk to him later."

"Are you sure?" she was still uncertain.

"I'm sure," I insisted. "Go!"

She nodded and briefly touched my hand in a gesture of gratitude, before finally leaving.

I sighed and went to the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water and swallowed one pill. Then another one. I figured pills itself won't be enough to stop the headache if the annoying music doesn't go down, so I returned to the living room to get my phone.

"They left," I texted William. I waited for a few moments, but there was no response. The music kept going, brutally loud and annoying.

"Can I come in?" I texted again.

"Whatever," came the response.

I sighed and went to William's room. He was lying on the bed, holding his journal, but not writing nor reading. He was just staring at the ceiling.

I turned off the music and sat on the bed next to him.

"Your father is ill," I started. "He didn't mean what he said."

"Whatever," he responded, not looking at me.

"He loves you very much," I continued, unable to come up with anything but clichés. "You know that."

He didn't answer and I didn't know what else to say. I sat there for a few moments, until I remembered that the living room needed sweeping, so I got up, thinking our conversation was done for the moment.

It wasn't.

"Am I a burden to you?" William asked behind my back. I turned to look at him, and I could see that I had his undivided attention. He waited expectantly for my answer, it certainly wasn't a rhetoric question. It hurt me that he felt he had to ask.

"You are a son I never had," I answered honestly. "I don't know what else you want me to say."


	7. Mulder's dream

(Scully)

I found Mulder leaning on my car, looking exhausted, like all the energy left him during his stupid fish rant. His eyes were red and swollen and he was sniffing. I hated seeing him like this, so prone to outbursts of rage or crying, so weak and defeated. I hated not being able to fix him.

"Get in the car," I told him, unlocking the doors. There was no point in asking if he was all right, he obviously wasn't. None of us was.

I walked around to the driver's seat, got inside and fastened my seat belt. I sighed, feeling drained. It took tremendous effort to do anything, even the simplest things. I just wanted to get home, feed my dog and take a nice, long bath. I hoped Mulder wouldn't require anything else from me today.

He did, of course. As soon as I started the car. It was just a self-pity at first, but it soon grew into something quite bizarre.

"He hates me, doesn't he?" Mulder said bitterly. I wasn't sure if it was really a question or just a statement.

"He hates both of us," I answered anyway. "He is a teenager, he's supposed to hate us."

Mulder didn't respond and the silence suddenly felt too heavy so I kept talking. "Unless you were referring to Skinner, in which case I would tell you that he's our boss who sacrificed his career advancement for us, so he is also supposed to hate us."

But somehow he doesn't. Somehow he is being the best friend we could ask for.

"It'll all work out," I added, and then I stopped talking. There wasn't any real comfort in my words, not when I didn't believe in them myself. I kept going because I had to, not because I wanted to. I was just as broken as my husband, maybe even more so. At least he could cry all the time, which was hard for me to do these days. My tears seemed to have dried off, leaving not nothing but empty desert behind them.

Aside from Mulder sniffing a few times, we drove in silence for a while.

"Scully," he suddenly said. "Would you want another one?"

"Another boss?" I gave him a puzzled look. "No, I think Skinner is enough."

"I meant," Mulder hesitated. "Another child."

"Whoa!" I gasped in surprise. My blood instantly boiled with rage and it took all the self-control I had not to crush us into something, or someone. How dares he! How the hell dares he?!

"I _had_ another daughter, Mulder," I reminded him through clenched teeth. "And you know how that ended. I could never go through that again."

"No, that's not…" he was apparently having trouble finding words. I was having trouble with restraining myself from shooting him. "What I meant was… another _son_."

That was it. My vision blurred and I couldn't keep driving anymore. I took a violent turn left and parked the car on the first space available. It's a miracle no one got hurt, since my move wasn't legal at all. I tried to remove my hands from the steering wheel, but I noticed they were shaking so I grasped it again, turning only my head towards my husband. He now had my full attention, all right.

"Are you saying our son is not good enough for you?" I asked coldly. William may not be perfect, but who is?

"No, Scully, you know that's not true!" Mulder insisted. "You know he means the world to me. He is the best thing we ever made, Scully. Why not make another one?"

"Because we are too old?" I suggested. "Too barren? To fucked up? Where the hell did you get this idea from?"

"I had a dream," he admitted.

"A dream?" I rolled my eyes.

"A baby," he smiled. "Not just in one dream, but for the last couple of days. The same dream, so strong and vivid, so… real. A little boy."

"A baby?" I was amused. "You dreamed about a baby, so you want to get one? Gee, Mulder, I dreamed about an elephant, let's get one of those as well!"

"It wasn't just _a_ baby," he insisted. "It was _our_ baby."

"And what makes you think that?"

"Because… He looks like William, but he isn't William."

"All babies look the same, Mulder." Not that I'd know. I never got to see any of my children as little babies. I never breast fed any of them. As much as I didn't want to admit, Mulder's words touched a deep yearning inside me. He was right, it would be amazing to go through all that I missed the first time. And the second… And the third… But that ship had sailed a long time ago.

"I'm sorry," Mulder gently placed his hand on my leg. Only then I realized my cheeks were covered with tears. So much for not being able to cry! I wiped them away, angry at myself for playing this game.

"I didn't want to upset you," Mulder continued. "I know it's not possible and I never thought about that, but he came to me. He's real. I don't know how or why, or… when, but I know he's coming. He's a part of our family, Scully. You'll see."

"Enough," I stopped him, pushing his hand and starting the car again. "I know what this is. Have you been taking your medications?"

"Scully…"

"Just answer the question, Mulder. Have you or haven't you been taking your prescribed medication?"

"Yes, ma'am," he sighed. "I'm taking my meds."

"Then you need your dosage adjusted," I decided.

"Isn't that for my doctor to decide?" he questioned me.

"I _am_ your doctor, Mulder," I reminded him.

"You are a pathologist, Scully," he reminded _me_. "Not a therapist."

"I am your wife!" I insisted. "Jenny isn't."

"Am I hearing a hint of jealousy?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Mulder. I trust you. I know you wouldn't…"

"But Mark did," Mulder sighed.

"I am not married to Mark!" I said a little too fast, a little too defensive. Mark… did. I tried to use him to numb my pain, but he refused and went on to date Mulder's therapist instead. Either he was loyal to his bizarre friendship to Mulder, or I wasn't attractive to him anymore. And if I wasn't attractive to him, was I to Mulder? Was Mulder ever really attracted to me? There never was much passion between us, our relationship was always based more on friendship. It was me who proposed to him, not the other way around. We did it for Molly. Would he ever marry me if it wasn't for our daughter? Is he staying with me out of love, or out of responsibility?

Am I holding him back? Am I the reason for his depression?

Suddenly, his recent wish to have a baby with me warmed my heart, quieting my doubts. If only there was a way to give it to him!

I arrived to my apartment building and parked next to Mulder's car. This was where we go our separate ways. I'd go to my bubble bath, and he'd have a long drive to his unremarkable house. Just like it _isn't_ supposed to be.

"If you are in no rush…" I tried to suggest something, not really knowing what.

"I'm late on Mullins profile, so I'd better get going," he shrugged. I nodded and he opened the car door, but I couldn't let him go.

"Mulder…" I stopped him. My voice was enough. He sat back, with the door still opened, and waited for me to continue. He wasn't looking at me, but I had his full attention.

"I have fifteen minutes to spare, if…" I hesitated. "If you still want to make that baby."

There. I said it. Maybe that's what his dream was all about. It wasn't about a real baby, but about trying to make one. Pretending to try, that is. About bringing us closer, closing this huge gap between us that neither of us was strong enough to jump over.

"I…" he sighed, sadly. "I know it's not possible, but the dream… It was so real. Like one of those dreams that help me catch a killer…"

"I know," I nodded. "We can't make a baby, Mulder, but there's no harm in trying, right?"

"Fifteen minutes?" he sounded suspicious. "I need more time than that."

"No, you don't."

"But you do."

"Mulder…"

"Scully, you know it's not good for me if it's not good for you."

"And you know it's good for me as long as it's with you."

He contemplated for a moment, then gave me a mischievous grin. "You know, Scully, I have Mullins files in my car. I can work on the profile from anywhere."

"Are you asking me to let you sleep on my couch?" I grinned back at him, the warmth from my heart spreading to… lower areas.

"No," he said seriously. "I'm asking to sleep in your bed. With you," he felt a need to clarify.

"Well, I don't know," I responded, just as serious. "You'll have to arrange that with Daggoo."

"Your dog?" Mulder raised his eyebrow in disbelief.

"It's his spot," I shrugged.

"We'll see about that," Mulder said with confidence and determination. He exited my car and went to his. I waited, a part of me afraid that he would change his mind and drive away, but he emerged soon enough, holding a pile of folders and a plastic bone.

"Where did you get that?" I stared at the bone in disbelief.

"It reminded me of you," he smiled, handing me the toy. "Now it'll come in handy in negotiations for your bed."

"Daggoo is very stubborn," I warned him. "Don't be so sure you can win, even with… this," I waived the bone in the air.

"Maybe not," he shrugged. "But I'm still going to spend the rest of my life trying. I'm not giving up on you, Scully."

There was nothing I could say to that, literary nothing, since Mulder's tongue invaded my mouth, efficiently shutting me up.

We didn't make a baby that night, but we certainly tried. When it didn't work the first time, we tried again. And again.

Daggoo had a miserable night, alone and forgotten, along with Mullins files.


	8. Protection

**Author's note: Sorry for keeping you waiting for so long. I wanted to focus on other stories and time flew… I can't believe it's been so long. But this story isn't forgotten, it's not abandoned, and I think about it all the time. I started it in a rush because I was in a bad mood and didn't really think it through… I thought if I was going to write a sequel to Mulder's Baby, I should wait for the next season, to see what kind of parallels I could draw in my story. And then I didn't wait. And then I did. And look what happened, in my last chapter, which was written long before season 11 (sorry, again), Mulder and Scully talk about having another child and then they have sex. Sounds familiar? Don't worry, though, in this story Mulder will not suddenly find out that William is actually his brother and have a miracle replacement baby. Some things should never be paralleled…**

* * *

(William)

Skinner turned off my music, so I was lying there in silence. I was angry. And bored.

I wrote to Molly, but there were some things that I didn't want her to know. It was stupid to write in a diary, anyway. What do I have a computer for? Typing is so much faster than writing on paper!

I thought about Stacey. Having an ex-girlfriend sounded a lot cooler before I started missing her. It was insane! Why did I miss a girl who I wasn't in love with?

I didn't want to be in love with anybody! Ever! Relationships are stupid and such a waste of time. If I'm going to be an FBI agent I shouldn't waste my time on that.

Sex was good, though. Not all that awesome, but… The more I thought about it, the better it sounded.

Stacey said her parents weren't going to be home…

But Stacey was mad at me.

Or something…

I started to wonder if she came or not. I didn't know how it's supposed to look or feel, so I went on google to research it. The more I read about female orgasm, the surer I was that Stacey didn't experience it. Not with me, anyway. I knew she didn't have sex with anybody else, but maybe she masturbated…

Wow! Stacey? Masturbating? I wondered how girls did it, so I kept reading. It was… mind blowing! I realized that sex was so much more than what we did and that it could be so much better with a little practice.

I logged on facebook, and she was there. Online. I decided to take a chance.

"Hi," I wrote.

"What do you want?" she immediately responded.

"I want to make you come."

"Come where?"

"Down there… With my tongue."

"What the fuck is wrong with u?!"

"Googling how to do that. I wanna try."

"Leave me alone! You broke up with me REMEMEBER?!"

"No, u broke up with me."

"Whatever. Fuck off!"

"Can I come over?"

"NO! Get lost!"

"Fuck you, Stacey!"

"Fuck you, too!"

"Ok. Are you parents still away?"

"Why?"

"So that I can come over and u can fuck me like you just admitted you want to!"

"I'm going to block you now."

"Is that a yes?"

Apparently, it was a no. Stacey stopped responding and her profile disappeared. I was disappointed, but still turned on after everything I read. I locked the door and lied on my bed to practice with myself. Who needs girls for that, anyway?

My phone buzzed. I ignored it, thinking it was dad trying to lecture me about the fish, or mom trying to apologize for dad's lectures.

It buzzed again and I lost the mood. Damn parents!

I took the phone, but it wasn't them, it was Stacey.

"Come," the first message said.

"But u can ONLY use ur tongue!" was the next one.

"And it better b good!" it buzzed again.

Oh, it was going to be!

"Be right there, babe, and ur gonna scream from pleasure," I answered, jumping from the bed. I took a deodorant and sprayed it all over my clothes. There was no time for a shower. I grabbed a box of cigarettes, already imagining a good smoke after a good sex, just like in the movies!

The living room was dark, Skinner was silently sitting with a drink in his hand.

"I'm going out," I informed him.

"Where?" he asked.

"Just… It doesn't matter," I didn't know whether I should tell him or not. Stacey said he could try to forbid us having sex, and though I didn't think he would, I didn't want to risk it.

I tried to sneak out, but he stopped me.

"Wait!" he said. He stood up and went to the television, opened the first drawer underneath it and took something out.

"Here," he handed it to me. "Do you know how to use this?"

"What is it?" I asked. It was too dark to see.

"If you don't know what that is, than you are not ready to do what I suspect you are going to do."

Annoyed, I moved to the hall to look at the little box. It said condoms! Oh, man! Skinner was giving me condoms! I've never used them before, but how hard could it be? Stacey said I would only be allowed to use my tongue, but with this maybe I could get her to change her mind…

"Thanks!" I said, trying to leave, but Skinner still wouldn't let me.

"I really wish you wouldn't," he said seriously. "I know I can't stop you, but at least do it safely. Don't get the girl pregnant, William."

I was pretty sure my tongue couldn't make anybody pregnant, but I didn't say anything. I didn't know how to talk about things I've just been reading, but I was eager to try them. With Stacey.

Skinner explained to me how to use condoms in great detail. I remembered only half of it, all the while thinking about Stacey. My phone buzzed again but I didn't dare interrupt Skinner to look at it. I just kept nodding and waiting for him to finally finish.

"I'd rather you wouldn't," he repeated, sounding sad, then he went back to sit on the couch.

I looked at the phone, disappointed to find out it was from mom, telling me that she loved me and that dad will stay at her place tonight. Whatever. I didn't respond.

"Are you ok, Skinner?" I asked, just in case.

"Yeah," he grunted. "It's just a headache."

I nodded, but I didn't move. I kept standing there like an idiot, until he turned his head towards me.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"No," I said, still not moving.

Skinner sighed and took a sip from his drink. He rested his head against the seat and probably closed his eyes. I couldn't really tell in the dark.

"Skinner?" I asked, remembering what he told me after the dinner.

"Yeah?"

"Am I really like a son to you?"

"I never said _like_."

"But…"

"I've known you since before you were born. I've helped your father care for you when your mother wasn't around. I can't tell you how many nights I've slept on Mulder's dirty old couch – thank god he got rid of that thing! He wasn't… well. Not like he's now, it was worse. Much worse. He couldn't care for himself, let alone a baby. I did all I could to help him get back on his feet, and to make sure you never suffered as a result. What he thinks about me now, or even what you think about me, doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything. You are not _like_ a son to me, William. You are _the_ son to me."

"Like Molly was a real sister to me even though we weren't related?"

"Yeah… Yeah, like that."

"Oh… Ok. Bye."

"Bye."


	9. Dear James

(Stacey)

Dear James,

I'm sorry I didn't write to you for so long. I was so stupid and there's so much I need to tell you!

Ok, it's all William's fault. I was in a… relationship with him, I guess. It wasn't a real relationship, because he never loved me, not like I loved him. But it's all over now. William is gone.

I loved him so much. I guess, in a way, I still do. But I love you more. You are my brother, even if William was my first love. Brothers are forever, right? If you were here, I'm sure you'd had something smart to say and I'm sure you'd protect me. You wouldn't be like Melissa's brother, that jerk!

Anyway, remember how I told you that I broke up with William? Well, we got back together. It was great at the time, William can be so wonderful when he wants to. And those blue eyes of his! OMG, James, he's so incredibly handsome! There's something about how he looks at me, how he raises his eyebrow or even rolls his eyes at me… But his smile! Those lips! God, he tastes like danger and adventure!

There's one thing I haven't told you yet. I've lost my virginity to him! Do you think it's wrong because we are minors and all? But I loved him, doesn't it count? I was ready, I know I was because I liked it and I didn't regret it. And it only got better, you see, we became lovers…

Don't think that William was just using me. He never tried anything, I asked him. It took some convincing, but he eventually agreed to try. He said that he didn't want to die a virgin and that he would never fall in love, so he might as well do it with me… It's not very romantic, I know, but he didn't mean it like that. He just… He doesn't know what he wants, you know? One day he would tell me he doesn't need sex and girls, and the next day he would text me suggesting some new sex-stuff he found online. I learned so much from him, and it's amazing because he learned all that just by reading stuff! He thought we could be friends with benefits, but I didn't want that. I wanted him to love me, but he never did. I broke up with him thousands times, but I could never resist him when he asked me out again. So it's like, we were never together, only when we were actually together, but we would break up before going home, and it almost always ended like that…

But it's not like he wanted to be with other girls! It was always only me. I know that! That's part of the reason I could never say no to him, because I didn't want him to go to somebody else! That would have killed me!

Mom and dad didn't know about him. I know they wouldn't approve. They are so old and they don't understand anything. It's so hard with them! I feel like I live with people from Ice Age or something! But I know you understand. I can feel it in my heart. You are the only person who is always with me and I'm grateful for that. I'm sorry that I neglected you for a while, but even when I didn't write to you I thought about you every day! It's hard being an only child to people who are so old! I wish mom had me when she was a teenager! She would be in her thirties now, wouldn't that be cool? Ok, she would still be old, but not too much, like now! It takes her forever to stand up if she's sitting and things like that. And dad is always sick…

William's parents are also old, but they are still younger than ours! And they are FBI agents, can you believe it! William wanted to be an FBI agent, too. But he is gone now, so… He didn't even live with his parents, but with their boss! Weird, right? His parents separated and kind of went crazy, so he moved in with that man, Skinner. He's William's god-father, which is super awkward. Who would ask their BOSS to be a god-father to their child? Ewww….

But you know, it's because he's parents are also crazy, William could understand me so well. Also his sister died, I told you about her. Well, guess what? He had one more sister, who died before he was born! But it was only a half-sister and Molly was adopted, so they didn't have the same bond that you and I have. Maybe that's why William could never understand me completely, even if he understood me better than anybody else. Well except for you. No one will ever understand me the way you do…

So, William's life was wrong in so many ways, but it's hard to pinpoint exactly what made him so angry and cynical. He had many friends, but didn't care about them much. He would help everybody and all, but wasn't really close to anybody. Everybody knew him, but no one _really_ knew him. He didn't even care.

He thought me how to smoke! It's was awful at first, but now I'm totally addicted, haha! I know it's wrong, but I feel so adult and it really gives me confidence. I could stop if I wanted to, but I don't want to. Not now at least. I just want to get through High-school and then… Well, I want to move to LA! Not forever, but I want to go to college there. You know it's always been my dream, and mom and dad told me they have enough money saved! I just have to study hard for the next two years, but it's not impossible.

I'm sixteen now, so I finally got a driver's license! Yay! I was scared to drive at first, but it turned out I'm a pro, lol! William was in the process of getting his, but then… Oh, I still haven't told you what happened to him.

Do you even want to know? I mean, he's nothing you, and now he's nothing to me too. Ok, he will always be my first, but other than that… It's not like he wanted more anyway.

So… We got into some bad stuff. I can't tell you all about it, because if mom or dad ever found my journal… Or if anybody read it… It's not just because they would punish me, it's much bigger than that! Honestly, it's a federal secret! It's the reason why my William is no longer here…

I've told you his parents are FBI agents. Well, they are not regular FBI agents, they work with really weird stuff, like vampires and ghosts and aliens… William told me lots of stories, and I didn't believe any of them, until…

He stole some papers from his parents' work. They call them The X-Files. He was going to give them back, but he was bored and wanted to practice working on the field, like a real agent, you know?

It was something stupid. I didn't understand half of it, and it didn't sound dangerous at all, so when he asked me to go with him I said yes. I just wanted to be with him, it didn't matter what we did. Well, I hoped we would at least have a chance to make out, but things got wrong. So wrong!

I can't tell you more. Nobody can know what we saw. It's too dangerous. But something happened to William and I run to get help, but I fell. Then I heard someone and I was afraid. I didn't know if they were friendly or not, so I didn't dare to move. When they got closer I saw they were a man and a woman with FBI jackets. I heard a man say "Scully" and so I knew it was his parents. Scully is William's last name. They went straight to… where William was.

That was the last time I saw William.

I didn't follow them. I run home. Maybe it was wrong from me to just leave William, but I left him with his parents. He didn't need me. I was afraid that my parents would find out and you know how strict they are. I panicked. It was all his idea! Why did he have to live so dangerously?

The next day at school we were told William was in the hospital. No one ever said why. After a week, they've told us William moved. Nobody knew where. He had so many friends and nobody knew anything! The only thing I could find out was that his parents are still here, so they didn't move with him. His god-father is also still here. I guess… I guess what we found was so dangerous that he had to go into a witness-protection program. It means I will never see him again! Or maybe he's dead… But why would his death be a secret?

Well, at least now I understand that the X-Files are a dangerous job. We never should've played with that! If I could turn back the time… But I can't, can I? There's no point thinking about it…

I'm still in shock, James! It's all still fresh in my mind, and I can't talk about that to anybody! I'm afraid they would disappear, like William did. Or worse, I could get killed! James, I'm shaking while writing this! Writing to you calmed me at first, because I had so much harmless stuff to tell you about, but now that I've gotten to the dark part… I didn't even mean to get there, I just wanted a distraction, but it was stronger than me. I think I'm going to burn this journal now. No one can ever know what happened to me, not even the little bits that I've told you. So please don't tell anybody, and if you can somehow protect me, please do! Talk to the god, or angels, or something… I will buy a new journal and write you in that one, ok? But I will never talk about William again! He was my biggest mistake, but all I did, I did out of love! I swear! I know you believe me.

I love you, James! Please watch after me!

Xoxo Stacey 3 3 3


End file.
